Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
