Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize