Just fell off a train. Bad.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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