So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
