his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
