I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
