I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
