the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
