Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
