we're chasing vodka with high fives
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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