I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
