You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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