So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize