Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
