My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
