I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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