apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
