You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
