Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
