why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
well you can't waste a boner
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
