you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
