I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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