Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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