Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
