I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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