we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
