If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
