well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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