We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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