After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize