dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
