just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you traded sex for a burrito?
i dont even know how to be here
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
