i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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