okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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