I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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