We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Bring me that man meat
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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