go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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