Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What drink are we having for lunch?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
