I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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