Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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