Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
