dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
