i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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