Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
