He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize