i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
True strength comes from lack of pants
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
