After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
