If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
