you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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