Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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