seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
