when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
