yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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