she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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