angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
