I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
