I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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