are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
