have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
