cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
