Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
