remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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