are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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