I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
