There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
