It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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