I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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