I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
