That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
