My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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