I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
