I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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