Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
