Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
