I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
