How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
